


Hot Resume Tips for Young Professionals!

by Hinn_Raven



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Bat Family, Embedded Images, Gen, Humor, Job Interview, Minor Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Resume, nannying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 13:44:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19274524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hinn_Raven/pseuds/Hinn_Raven
Summary: WANTED: One Nanny.JOB DESCRIPTION: Assisting Selena Kyle and Bruce Wayne raising a child.REQUIRED QUALIFICATIONS: Martial arts (3+ years), ability to wrangle Damian Wayne as well as newborn baby (2+ years), 3+ character references, knowing secret identity a plus but not required.OR“So Stephanie, tell me why you’re the best candidate for this job.”





	Hot Resume Tips for Young Professionals!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [drakefeathers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drakefeathers/gifts).



> My dearest, darlingest Maggie is 100% at fault for this one. She made a [post](https://drakefeathers.tumblr.com/post/183296022866/selina-and-bruce-get-married-and-selina-gets) a while ago about Steph being a babysitter for Selina and Bruce, complete with a joke resume suggestion. I fell in love with the idea, and immediately ran with it, and yes, I made the resume. Full text for the resume can be found in the end notes! 
> 
> Special thanks to Renaroo for consulting on the resume, and assistance in finding the headshot! 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it!

When the news breaks that Selina is pregnant, there is mass chaos in Wayne Manor and its inhabitants.

Damian has several small panic attacks and breakdowns that really all add up to one major identity crisis that boils down to the fact that he won’t be the youngest anymore, even though Duke has technically been here for less time than he has.

Duke, continuing to prove that he is the most well-adjusted child that Bruce has managed to adopt yet, helps Alfred select paint colors for the nursery, Selina set up the registry for the baby shower, and then, proving that he is also still a willing member of this family, submits a proposal outlining his case for the baby to become his sidekick in twelve years.

Tim, meanwhile, immediately starts baby proofing the entire Manor, not to mention every safe house, and draws up no less than five alternate identities for the baby to use in case of emergency, once she’s born.

Cass reacts with a polite inquiry if the new baby will infringe on Father-Daughter bonding time, frowns a bit when the amount of time and energy it takes to look after an infant, and then proceeds to help Selina get through pregnancy with her usual competency, being able to predict bouts of morning sickness and swollen feet better than Selina can, and stocks the nursery with as many soft, plushy things that she can manage.

Jason gifts them with several bulletproof onesies, calls dibs on godfather, and then vanishes, which Bruce would be worried about if he hadn’t seen photos on Donna Troy’s private instagram feed showing him sleeping on her couch, covered in a fuzzy blanket.

Dick, being on a mission in space when the initial announcement happens, comes home to see Selina with a baby bump, spits out his coffee, and then, once he’s recovered, hugs Bruce and Selina both tightly. He then proceeds to produce obscene amounts of secondhand baby supplies from Roy Harper, despite Bruce reminding him repeatedly that he’s a billionaire, and can afford a new bassinet, even if Alfred hadn’t saved the one from when Bruce was a baby, which, of course, he had.  

But even the chaos of Bruce’s various children is only the beginning.

“Tim’s functionally taken over as CEO a few times anyways,” Bruce tells Selina, one early morning in the kitchen. “I could resign, and stay at home—”

“Tim is seventeen, and in college,” Selina says. “You aren’t making him CEO, and he will be totally justified in burning the company to the ground if you try.”

Bruce sighs in acquiescence.

“Cassandra has no interest in running the company, Jason’s legally dead, Dick laughed at me—”

“Bruce, you don’t need to be a stay at home dad,” Selina tells him. “The baby will have a house full of brothers, a big sister, Alfred—” Bruce’s look, telling her that he isn’t convinced, prompts a sigh. “And if we need to, we can hire some additional help. A nanny or something. You’re a billionaire. You can afford it.”

“We’re billionaires. You married me.”

Selina wrinkles her nose.

Alfred refills her teacup with steaming green tea, and then goes into the hallway to make a phone call.

“Miss Brown? I believe you mentioned that you were looking for additional employment?”

* * *

“Selina,” Bruce says. “Stephanie just handed me a resume and a cover letter.”

“Why?” Selina says, not even looking up from her pre-natal health magazine that was proclaiming a variety of all-natural techniques to ensure that the baby would be born healthy. Selina was personally skeptical that using a shard of Kryptonite as a pendant to ensure that no alien influences would affect the baby, but some of the yoga poses sounded like good exercise, at the very least.

“Apparently, we’re hiring a nanny.”

Selina did lower the magazine this time. “Alfred?”

“Alfred.”

Selina sets down the magazine and reaches out her hand.

Bruce hands it over, with an expression on his face that tells Selina that he’s not sure what to make of the whole situation.

It doesn’t matter, though, because Stephanie Brown’s resume is a work of art, and Selina would hire her for that alone, even without the joy of seeing that expression on Bruce’s face.

“Oh look, she put you down as a reference.”

“She put _Batman_ down as a reference.”

“She _is_ uniquely qualified. She brings up good points about Damian.”

“You realize the on-site injuries she refers to were probably ones he inflicted on her?”

“Yes, but that just means she’s used to it. Helena’s going to be a handful.”

Bruce looks pained. “I can’t just—I can’t just hire her on the spot. There will be questions. Security clearances. _Press_.”

“So interview her, then,” Selina says, wondering who else would get as much joy from this resume as she was. “And you can ask Babs, Dinah, Leslie, and Dick for their character references over dinner on Friday.”

“And Batman?”

“I’ll ask him,” Selina says, finally just sending Tim, Duke, and Cass a text to ask Steph to show them her resume. “I’m sure I’ll see him around _eventually_.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“And so is she. She’ll fit in just fine.” Selina taps her finger against her chin thoughtfully. “Do you think she’ll mind if we move her room to be next to the nursery, or should we just give her a second one?”

Bruce sighs, and goes to fetch his phone.

* * *

Bruce looks across his desk, and sighs.

He’ll give her this, Stephanie has certainly gone all-out for this interview. She’s wearing a suit, nice shoes, and she’s provided a cleaned-up version of her resume to formally submit, as well as a cover-letter, which is exactly as useful as any other cover letter has ever been. She has her CPR certification, as well as a certificate from a babysitting course she took at the YMCA in high school, a copy of her Wayne Enterprises Clearance courtesy of Tam Fox, and a judo certificate. None of her clothing is obviously stolen from any of his children, nothing is purple, and there are no signs of Batman paraphernalia anywhere on her person.

“So, Stephanie, tell me why you’re the best candidate for this job.”

She raises an eyebrow at him.

Bruce raises one right back.

Two can play at this game.

“Well, I’m a _great_ team player,” she tells him. “I have a lot of experience dealing with chaotic group settings, especially ones with unusual dynamics. I’m great with kids, and as you can see, I’m fully certified.”

“I can see that. So, your resume says that you worked with Wayne Enterprises previously. Why did you leave your job?”

Steph’s other eyebrow joins her first.

“I left because my boss was a jerk with unrealistic expectations who failed to communicate clearly.”

Bruce winces.

Okay, he deserved that one.

He asks her some other routine questions that his executive assistant had provided for him, and then asks some of the questions that Selina had written in the margins, which mostly seem to be about reaffirming three separate times that Stephanie believed in vaccinations.

Bruce only asks her the once, because he thinks that Stephanie is going to run out of forehead, at the rate her eyebrows keep moving upwards.

“In addition to the salary that we discussed in our email, you will be provided with room and board at Wayne Manor. We can negotiate your hours to be flexible around your class schedule and extra-curricular activities. You’ll be expected to be available, as long as Selina and I have provided you with adequate notice. On any occasion you’re asked to look after Damian as well as the baby, you’ll be suitably compensated in addition to your base salary.”

Really, that is the one advantage of hiring Stephanie Brown over anyone else, he has to admit. He’d hardly agree to let just about anyone else move into the Manor, and, as Cassandra had pointed out when she gave him her character reference, Steph pretty much already lived there, so this was merely formalizing it,

He sighs and puts down the paper with all of his children’s questions, not even bothering to read from it. Most of them were just Duke, Tim, and Cass trying to get Steph to tell embarrassing stories, anyways.  

“Stephanie, in all seriousness. Are you _sure_? This could move you back into the spotlight, just as things were quieting down for you. You’ll have to deal with the media, not to mention the possibility of kidnapping attempts.”

Stephanie also goes serious. “Bruce. I can handle it. Plus, if Dick’s babysitting rates were anything to go by, being your nanny slash live in babysitter means that I can finally stop driving an Uber.”

Bruce pauses. Something about this sounds familiar… “Is this why Jason sent me a selfie of himself in the backseat of your car, of him splattered in blood and you giving the peace sign?”  

“Yeah, you’d really think being a vigilante in Gotham would have prepared me for driving an Uber. But that was _my first day_ , and it only got weirder after that.”

Bruce almost asks why she hadn’t included driving an Uber on her resume, then he decides that he probably doesn’t want to know.

“And I suppose you’d react to my offer of a stipend—” Steph’s expression turns dangerous. “Exactly like you did last time I offered,” Bruce finishes with a sigh. “Congratulations, Stephanie. You’re hired.”

She beams and shakes his hand enthusiastically. “Thank you, Mister Wayne, you won’t regret this!”

“I most definitely will. I’ll let you be the one informing Damian.”

“Oh Bruce,” Steph says, grinning at him. “It’s cute that you think they haven’t been watching this whole thing.”

“Are you referring to the camera in the ceiling vents, or the small contingent of my children staking out this office with a microphone and heat vision goggles?”

“Did you miss Tim and Tam eavesdropping through the door, or are you just being polite?”

Bruce smiles, despite himself.

Maybe this won’t be _too_ bad.  

**Author's Note:**

> RESUME TEXT:
> 
>  
> 
> **STEPHANIE BROWN  
> **  
>  COLLEGE STUDENT, ENTREPRENEUR, INNOVATOR
> 
>  
> 
> CONTACT  
> PHONE: 609-867-5309  
> EMAIL: sbrown_4@gotham.edu
> 
> HOBBIES  
> • Marital Arts  
> • Group Parkour  
> • Bird Watching  
> • Recreational Chemistry  
> • Electrical Engineering  
> • Piano  
> • Ping Pong
> 
> ADDITIONAL SKILLS  
> • Languages: Arabic, Spanish, Swahili  
> • Martial Arts: Judo  
> • Fully CPR Certified 
> 
> REFERENCES  
> • Barbara Gordon (b.gordon@waynetech.net)  
> • Batman (b1@batmaninc.net)  
> • Dick Grayson (r.grayon@waynetech.net)  
> • Dinah Lance (dina_l@queen.com)  
> • Leslie Thompkins (leslie.thompkins@gothamhealth.org)
> 
> EDUCATION  
> Gotham University  
> Present  
> • Social Work Major, Piano Minor  
> • Cumulative GPA: 3.33  
> • Recipient of the Wayne Foundation Jason Todd Memorial Scholarship  
> Gotham City High PS 500  
> • Voted “Most Likely to Die Young and Horribly” 3 years running. 
> 
> WORK EXPERIENCE  
>  **Thompkins International Clinic** \- Volunteer  
> Interacted with people from multiple cultures and of all ages  
> Provided translation assistance  
> Worked in a high stress environment
> 
>  **Wayne Enterprises** – Intern (Unpaid)  
> Assisted with crime fighting responsibilities  
> Learned to handle difficult personalities  
> Researched and located individuals
> 
>  **Babysitter** – Dick Grayson  
> Supervised recreational activities  
> Dealt with on-site injuries
> 
> SKILLS:  
> • Enthusiasm: 100%  
> • Martial Arts: 67%  
> • Wayne Experience: 100%  
> • Secret ID Knowledge: 100%  
> • Damian Wrangling: 50%


End file.
